“Listening to Learn, Learning to Listen”

by Michael Caldwell, Partnership Center of Vermont



A man whose marriage hit a rough patch went to a sage in his hermitage.

“For one month, just listen to what your spouse is saying,” said the sage.
The man did that for a month and then went back to the sage, reporting that they were still having a hard time.

“Okay, now go back and listen for a month to what your spouse is not saying…”

DeMello suggests that preparing for the crucible of loving well that marriage implies requires a period of “listening to learn and learning to listen.” In his experience, most people didn’t listen well. They weren’t taught. It was one of the causes of the contemporary epidemic of divorce. People get easily distracted. They weren’t committed enough to being curious enough about where their partner’s opinion originated. And it seemed to be cross-cultural. In other words, not many communities or families seriously taught listening skills to their children.

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